Friday, December 9, 2011

Adult Bullying And Cyber Bullying

I know it's the holiday season, and you probably don't wish to read about negative things like bullying. But, it needs to be addressed. Everyday I read about things that have happened to the recipients of a bully. People, just know this--bullies have no holidays. They act regardless of what day, hour, month or holiday it is. I've been on the receiving side of a bully a few times. Luckily the first two times I walked away. The third time put me in the hospital. I was a adult, and the bullying came from an ex-fiance. I can only imagine how it affects the 92% of younger kids, and teens who are affected by it, besides the other adults and older teens. Not a pretty picture.If you know someone who is being bullied, copy this information and pass it on. Thank you.

You know what? All the Lady Gaga's in the world can go to Washington (and it's good she did)  to protest about bullying, but it's really up to us as individuals to do something about it. And another thing, it's not just little kids, but adults and older teens who are bullied and harassed. Here's some facts about the different kinds of bullying that goes on, and a little information on what do do about it and where to go. I hope this helps a little in the fight to stop this horrible act of violence. People are killing, and maiming themselves because of it (yes, even adults and older teens often become cutters, harming themselves because they blame themselves for the bullying against them by others.)

Often people have the idea that "bullying" is something which only occurs among children until eventually they grow out of the behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't always true. Adults can be just as capable of employing bullying tactics as any young child or teenager. If you suspect either yourself, or anyone else you know is on the receiving end of bullying from an adult, here are some suggestions on how to respond to them.

1. Remember this is not your fault. If you've been on the receiving End of bullying treatment from an adult, or another teen for some time it's possible you may be blaming yourself for how this person has reacted to you. However, this is not true. Everyone is responsible for how they choose to treat others. This can be a lot easier said than done. Particularly if the bully has aroused strong feelings of anger in you. However, a reaction such as anger will only prove to the bully that he/she has succeeded in getting to you - which is what they want. Bullies feed off negative emotions, because deep down in some way they feel inferior or insecure about themselves too, and it's only by making others feel bad that they can raise their self esteem. So remember, don't get angry. Reacting to a bully in anger is likely to only further encourage and possibly worsen their unwanted behavior towards you. The adult and older teen bully is a nothing more than a coward.

2. See if killing them with kindness helps. This doesn't always work. But, in circumstances when you haven't known the bully very long (for example, you've just been introduced to them at work, or school/college)it might. Often what inspires a bully to be nasty towards others is an assumption that their target is a threat towards them in some way, as well as an experience of a lack of kindness from others throughout their lives. By demonstrating that you don't intend harm towards them, and are willing to be friendly, this can encourage more positive responses from them. You might express anything from a friendly good morning 'hello' to an offer of help them with something. However, if after trying this 2-3 times they still continue with their negative behavior just stop this approach. It won't work on every bully, and being nice to them every time they choose to bully you is likely to send the message you are rewarding their behavior and finding it acceptable.

3. Try assertive responses against the bully. Examples of this could include assertive body language (looking the bully firmly in the eye while standing straight), an assertive tone of voice (clear and firm without sounding threatening). Try using an assertive choice of words such as "I've recently noticed signs that you're are trying to bully me, and want this behavior to stop." That said, choosing an appropriate assertive behavior will - to a certain extent - be dependent on the specific bullying situation. What might be effective in a work bullying situation might not work so well in a family or cyber bullying situation though.

4. If all else fails, then you must enlist somebody's help. This
might be a trusted colleague or supervisor (if it's a work
bullying situation) or a family relative or friend (if it's a
family bullying situation. If it's a high school or college
situation you should go straight to the principal or the dean of
the college to address the bullying. Finally, speaking to your
doctor is also an option, if you feel the situation is heavily
impacting your physical and/or mental health.

5. If you are being bullied regularly in a physical way. There is no option. Call the police. Make a report and don't hesitate to do this. If you must bring charges the do so. If it's a spouse,
boyfriend/girlfriend, acquaintance, worker at your job, or just
someone you know--and they get physical. Don't hesitate. It's your life the bully is playing with.


Before attempting these steps do some research on bullying. It's not always easy to tell the difference between what is bullying, and what might just be the result of somebody's temporary bad mood. This will also help give you valuable insight into reasons adult bullies decide to behave in this manner and various ways of handling them. Bully articles online and Wikipedia to begin with. These are good places.

Confide in someone you are close to. Whether it be a family member, partner, or close friend; don't be ashamed to tell them about what's going on. After all, close friends, family members and partners are there to support one another through tough times.

Consider counseling. Chances are you are experiencing strong negative feelings such as shame, anger, anxiety and depression as a result of the bullying. Counseling can be invaluable in helping to deal with these feelings

Try out some relaxation techniques. You might find this helps for managing stressful feelings throughout this time. Check out the related wikiHow category online.


Assertive behavior on your part can be very effective if used in the early stages of bullying. However, if the bullying has already been going on for a long time, it might not have the desired effects.
Sometimes the only thing to do in a bullying situation is to walk away.

A bullies range from someone you can easily avoid, to an organized criminal, or someone with a great deal of political power, or anyone who thinks they have it in for you for some reason. You may not be able to walk away, and may be forced to make an attempt to protect yourself from the person. Always ask yourself if there is a way to outflank the bully; that is, without confronting them head-on. Is there a way you can force them to back off by applying pressure elsewhere? Keep in mind possible adverse consequences down the road. For example, you may use alternative methods to get your adversary to back off, But, the consequence is that you have now made a permanent enemy out of a simple bully, with the possibility that they will up the ante when it comes time to serve out a cold dish of revenge. When dealing with such a person, who has some power over you, caution is the key. Sometimes you may have no choice but to appear to go along with their demands, as you build strength, connections, power, etc. in anticipation of being able to turn the tables on them. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.


1. If you started out as friends, read through all the messages you
have sent them to see how it turned mean between you. Maybe you
have become unfriendly to them without knowing it. There may still
be a chance to sort it out. Reply to ask them if they still want
to be friends, and ask them to talk it out with you.

2. If they are not your friend, do not reply! Don't give them
attention for being ugly. Just ignore them

3. If they still continue, tell one of your friends, or even a
trusted fellow co-worker. If you're in college tell the dean or
the head of the computer department. This will give you an outside
perspective to support you.

4. If you can block the bully, then do it fast.

5. Don't delete the messages. Because if this continues, you will
need proof to prove you are being cyber bullied. If they keep
sending you messages, check whether they are using the same
internet company. Phone the company up asking if they could give
them a warning.

6. If all that fails, change your email address and/or cell phone

7. Tell the cops. Or if you're an older teen, tell a parent.

8. Report the bully to their website.


Don't give them a reaction. That will only add fuel to a fire.

Don't reply to any emails/instant messenger or chat room conversations from a bully/harasser.

Be very careful of who you post your pictures, files, messages and Attachments to. Anyone can see them and you never know where they can land, and fall into the wrong hands (At work, your boss and IT staff can monitor and see everything.)

Don't assume a picture of someone is real. Remember that some pictures can be FAKE. For example: A picture of a pretty blonde 17 year old girl could really be a man in his 40s, 50s, 60s, etc.

Remember that some people do lie - for example: someone telling you that he/she is your friend, or potential boyfriend/girlfriend could really be a pervert or abuser. Be very careful who you trust, you never know these days who is honest and who is a liar. So be on your GUARD.

If you get any emails/instant messenger or chat room conversations from a bully/harasser, save them and print them off which can be used as evidence, and show these to your parents (if you are an older teen)and to the police.

Remember that bullying and harassment in this way IS A CRIME! You can always copy and paste an email/instant messenger or chat room conversation from a bully/harasser
onto a Word Document. If you can't do this on the chat room you're visiting, don't go there again.

Always tell someone trustworthy. They can guide and support you. If you have doubts about what they tell you, try someone else. Make sure you have tried everything you can before changing your email. Be very careful who you give your email address,
personal/private information to. NEVER give out personal/private information like your home address, telephone number, date of birth, name of school/work/ college/university, anything about family business and any sensitive/confidential information or/and any information that can trace you and your family to anyone without permission from your parents/guardians/teacher/boss/person in charge if you are an older teen. Always think how something might be used against you before
you talk to anyone you don't know.

If a bully/harasser bothers you on social networking sites, be it MSN, Instant Messenger, Bebo, Facebook, don't reply and go offline (if they persist, block them).

Remember that YOU are in control, don't let them win. Report them to the site administrator, copy and print their h
arassment and block them.

With all that said. How do you think bullying can be stopped or at least handled? It needs to stop.